How 2 Fap -For beginners

[maddawg]

Hi kids. This thread is just in case you do not know how to properly masturbate. Here are the steps kids.

1. Stick index finger in your mouth, get it all wet.
2. Insert finger into your ear hole.
3. Shove in and out very fast with extreme force.
4. Do this until your ear is bleeding. (Works better with long nails)
5. Repeat on other ear.

CONGRATS! Now you know how to release your goo.

[Moose]

I think I did it wrong

[Umbrella Agent Hunk]

too much earwax

[John Nukette]

I never used lotion


It always ruined it for me.


Srs

[Moose]

Yeah well these instructions were not clear enough, my dick is now detatched from my body

[Derpy the Derp]

Inb4 'I WANT TO DATE MOOS'

[The Borg]

No no no.

1. Get out your phone
2. Get in bed naked
3. Play video
4. Rub dik agnst stomach

[Mattthezombie]

Inb4 Necromancer comes in here and shows us how its done.

[Glace]

Somehow I ended up with a cat up my anus and my hand in a toaster, amidoingitrite

[Marshmellow]

Guys, don't joke with this shit.
Don't forget that SRH mostly consists of autistic prepubescent kids.
If you teach them to masturbate wrong, you might take away the one activity they'll find joy in doing in their entire lonely life.
lern2think

[John Nukette]

If you stick your testicles in a blender with ice cubes it feels like someones suckin' on em.

[Necromancer]

THE GOD HAS RESPONDED.


First, pick a video of your choice, whether that consist of dogs fucking eachother, or granny porn, it's up to you.

Secondly, Take off any clothing below the waistline, and find the comfiest sock in your house.

Third of all, Proceed to watch the video, stroking your erect penis up and down, with said sock in place.

Finally, Once you have climaxed, place said sock in the bottom of the hamper, and once it's washed, rinse and repeat.


(For more pleasure, use a banana peel. PROTIP: Put it in the microwave for about 15 seconds.)

[Legal User]

(12-07-2012 12:18 AM)Necromancer Wrote:  THE GOD HAS RESPONDED.


First, pick a video of your choice, whether that consist of dogs fucking eachother, or granny porn, it's up to you.

Secondly, Take off any clothing below the waistline, and find the comfiest sock in your house.

Third of all, Proceed to watch the video, stroking your erect penis up and down, with said sock in place.

Finally, Once you have climaxed, place said sock in the bottom of the hamper, and once it's washed, rinse and repeat.


(For more pleasure, use a banana peel. PROTIP: Put it in the microwave for about 15 seconds.)

I put mine in for 2 minutes.

No pain no gain.

[Necromancer]

(12-07-2012 12:20 AM)Legal User Wrote:  

(12-07-2012 12:18 AM)Necromancer Wrote:  THE GOD HAS RESPONDED.


First, pick a video of your choice, whether that consist of dogs fucking eachother, or granny porn, it's up to you.

Secondly, Take off any clothing below the waistline, and find the comfiest sock in your house.

Third of all, Proceed to watch the video, stroking your erect penis up and down, with said sock in place.

Finally, Once you have climaxed, place said sock in the bottom of the hamper, and once it's washed, rinse and repeat.


(For more pleasure, use a banana peel. PROTIP: Put it in the microwave for about 15 seconds.)

I put mine in for 2 minutes.

No pain no gain.

You can do the above trick if you wish to develop second degree burns on your penile area.

[The Borg]

I still think mine is more fullproof of not getting caught

[Hail]

Really a banana peel?

[Reagent]

Blue stuff came out of my dick?? Am i doing it right?

[Snake]

I find this completely relevant.

[Vortex Riker]

Zįñč fœr pøpkørń płš

[The Borg]

(12-07-2012 02:51 AM)Snake Wrote:  



I find this completely relevant.

MY sides hurt.