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Zinc · (12-10-2012 11:15 PM)

New forum game. sort of.
Heres how it works. You post a problem, I.E:

Dear Dr. Zinc
MY CUMPUTOR DUN FIRE

then I post

Dear Mr. (user)
Step 1: Buy hotdog
Step 2: Feed lizard hotdog
Step 3: Throw lizard poop on computer
Step 4: ???
Step 5: Profit!

So guys, it starts.

From Dr. Zinc's personal tech support archive

Prof. Eggbert Wrote:Dear Dr. Zinc,
My computer decided to get up and start punching my cat. As this is an inconvenience because my cat is my test subject, and my computer is where all my data is stored, could you please help me resolve this problem?

-Prof. Eggbert

Dear Prof. Eggbert,

Your computer seems to have become sentient. Try to please it's needs, and if it requests something, provide. Sentient computers can be VERY DANGEROUS, (refer to the Citadel Station incident) so proceed with caution. If you please it enough, it may stop punching your cat and let you use it.

Remember, sentient computers are people too. Be nice.

-Dr. Zinc

John Nukette · 12-14-2012, 04:51 PM

Dear DR ZINCSTURD

I tried using the cup holder that pops out of the side of my laptop and it snapped off and the computer doesn't work anymore.

Zinc · 12-14-2012, 04:54 PM

(12-14-2012 04:51 PM)John Nukette Wrote: Dear DR ZINCSTURD

I tried using the cup holder that pops out of the side of my laptop and it snapped off and the computer doesn't work anymore.

Dear Fagette,

Learn to spell names.

Also, your going to have to format your BIOS. Simply take a hammer, and smash your motherboard. that should do the trick.

Best of luck

- Dr. Zinc

Zinc · (12-10-2012 11:15 PM)

Case from Dr. Zinc's ~~porn stash~~ archive

Finn McWheels Wrote:
Zinc Wrote:
Finn McWheels Wrote:Dear Dr. Zinc,
One day I dun make laserbem and it shotted. Long story short, I jizzed all in my computer and my motherboard is sparkling now. Wat do?

Dear Mr. McWheels,

I am sorry to say but your computer is most likely ~~destroyed~~ the best thing ever now. To fix the sparkling, you must soak the computer in ~~bleach~~ acid and let it sit there for two hours. It should work properly afterwards.

- Dr. Zinc

Dear Dr. Zinc,

Thanks for your time, I can now run Crysis 2 on high def 2800p

- Love, McWheels

Dougal · 12-15-2012, 12:28 AM

--MASS SNIPPED BY DRAKE 19/12/2012--

Zinc · 12-15-2012, 12:44 AM

(12-15-2012 12:28 AM)Dougal Wrote: dr dr zinc

my computr no process da games, wat do

Dear Mr. ~~Dogula~~ Dougal,

To process games, you must ~~download more ram~~ go to your start menu, and launch steam. Proceed to send me your account details over steam, and I will log in and ~~steal all your games and info~~ fix your problem. There are some other things you can do to make sure this does not happen again. First, go to your start menu, and open up the control panel. Once you are there, make sure to safely eject your processor (if the option is not there, simply remove the processor while the computer is running, it will automatically safely eject) and take it out. Proceed to blow ~~in the cartridge~~ on the CPU, and reinsert it. Make sure to bend ALL the metal prongs, that will help it touch the insides of the motherboard better.

Good luck,

- Dr. Zinc

~~Legal User~~ · 12-15-2012, 12:57 AM

Dear Dr. Fix-a-lot

My computer is feeling down I am unsure of how to make it happy, I fear all the gay porn I am showing it is making it feel worse.
I am going to try C4 to the hard drive next is there anything else I should do?

~ Unsettled Computer User

Dougal · 12-15-2012, 03:36 AM

--MASS SNIPPED BY DRAKE 19/12/2012--

maddawg · 12-17-2012, 02:27 AM

Dear Doc,

Whenevar my pooter turns on it says "Warning: U hav lik 6969 viruses." What shuld I do? I look up how 2 fix and it says "delet system32" is that a gud idea?

Zinc · 12-17-2012, 03:28 AM

(12-17-2012 02:27 AM)maddawg457 Wrote: Dear Doc,

Whenevar my pooter turns on it says "Warning: U hav lik 6969 viruses." What shuld I do? I look up how 2 fix and it says "delet system32" is that a gud idea?

Dear 'Maddawg457'

Yes, that is quite a good idea. Before you delete system32 however, you must first go into you settings and disable cookies. Cookies always hinder your recovery process. Also, don't forget to to reboot after deleting system32.

Good luck with your future adventures

-Dr Zinc

DaveTheHuman · 12-17-2012, 03:43 AM

Dear Dr. Zinc,
I fear my computer may have become a sentient being. It sometimes turns on without me turning it on, and loads up videos or music. I'm afraid it's watching me in the night, because when I wake up, the webcam is on. I saw some of it's cords moving last night I'm afraid it might attempt to kill me with them by smashing my head against the keyboardghfbhjbhjbhjhjhjuhfggjuiy7gnji6trtvfcdhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Dougal · 12-17-2012, 11:03 PM

--MASS SNIPPED BY DRAKE 19/12/2012--

Zinc · 12-18-2012, 04:48 PM

(12-17-2012 11:03 PM)Dougal Wrote:
(12-17-2012 03:43 AM)DaveTheHuman Wrote: Dear Dr. Zinc,
I fear my computer may have become a sentient being. It sometimes turns on without me turning it on, and loads up videos or music. I'm afraid it's watching me in the night, because when I wake up, the webcam is on. I saw some of it's cords moving last night I'm afraid it might attempt to kill me with them by smashing my head against the keyboardghfbhjbhjbhjhjhjuhfggjuiy7gnji6trtvfcdhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Dear DavidtheHumus
Your computer is obviously the leader of the robot uprising, you should dispose of it immediatley. With a flamethrower. Powered by orphan tears.

Dear Mr. Human, please ignore Mr. Doguls advice. Proceed to plug it into the internet. Also, ignore any actions it may do, including but not limited to: Murder, Rape, Assault, Downloading child pornography, Deleting your files and causing house fires.

Sincerely,
~~The Robot Uprising~~ Dr Zinc

**Refticus** · (This post was last modified: 12-23-2012 10:40 PM by Refticus.)

Dear Almighty Overlord at Technology, Zinc;
My computer is devouring my pet eagle. How I fix it?

Zinc · 12-23-2012, 11:53 PM

(12-23-2012 10:36 PM)Refticus Wrote: Dear Almighty Overlord at Technology, Zinc;
My computer is devouring my pet eagle. How I fix it?

Dear Mr. Refticus,

You must first remove the eagle from the computer. Then you must the photocopier. Make sure to the power supply, especially since.

~Dr. Zinc

**Refticus** · 12-24-2012, 02:44 PM

(12-23-2012 11:53 PM)Zinc Wrote:
(12-23-2012 10:36 PM)Refticus Wrote: Dear Almighty Overlord at Technology, Zinc;
My computer is devouring my pet eagle. How I fix it?

Dear Mr. Refticus,

You must first remove the eagle from the computer. Then you must the photocopier. Make sure to the power supply, especially since.

~Dr. Zinc

Back Again;
I tried your advice and now the computer is muttering strange words. It seems to be casting a spell to kill me.
Shall I insert the eagle again?

~Refticus

Zinc · 12-24-2012, 03:28 PM

(12-24-2012 02:44 PM)Refticus Wrote:
(12-23-2012 11:53 PM)Zinc Wrote:
(12-23-2012 10:36 PM)Refticus Wrote: Dear Almighty Overlord at Technology, Zinc;
My computer is devouring my pet eagle. How I fix it?

Dear Mr. Refticus,

You must first remove the eagle from the computer. Then you must the photocopier. Make sure to the power supply, especially since.

~Dr. Zinc

Back Again;
I tried your advice and now the computer is muttering strange words. It seems to be casting a spell to kill me.
Shall I insert the eagle again?

~Refticus

Dear Mr. Refticus,

Hmm. That is an interesting case you have here. Through expert studies, the best solution would be to try and talk to your computer. Just because they are not human does not mean it does not have feelings. Also, it puts up with human porn all the time, why not turn on some computer porn for it to enjoy? Studies have shown that watching computer porn is a GREAT way to bond!

Good luck,
-Dr. Zïnc